"Bizarre Thefts of New Summer's Dream" Feedback

[lozffvii]

uweanime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fanfiction&action=display&thread=251

Please give constructive feedback, it would be much appreciated.
Please leave posts with a minimum of 1 full line of text.
Please keep on-topic.

Thank you.

[lozffvii]

Please at least give me a little feedback.
Even if it's good it will be appreciated.
If it's so bad you stopped reading, tell me!